Koch-Funded Shills To Pope Francis: You're Not Pope-ing Correctly

Imagine that you're the Pope, successor to Saint Peter (to whom Jesus gave the keys of Heaven), head of the Roman Catholic church and spiritual leader of over 1.25 billion Catholics. What could help to improve your skill-set?

Why, 'Pope-ing' advice from one Gene Koprowski.

'Who?' you might respond if you are the Pope...or even if you aren't the Pope, as indeed, many of us are...I mean, aren't.

Mr. Koprowski is the director of marketing at the Chicago-based Heartland Institute, a body of climate change deniers funded by the ubiquitous Koch brothers.

And what qualifies Gene Koprowski to advise the Pope?

He previously held several positions in the administration of Virginia Gov. Robert F. McDonnell and Michael Steele, chairman of the Republican National Committee. He also served as director of grassroots development for the presidential campaigns of Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich in 2012.

Whoa! 'Nuff said. Associate of felons, sex-pests and crackpots. His Holiness will want to pay close attention, for sure.

So, what's on Gene's mind?

I'll let Gene explain:

Gene was "...shocked that the Pope was buying into this left-wing political craze that is global warming."

By 'left-wing political craze', I assume Gene means 'science'; like the 'left-wing political craze' that is 'gravity'.

But what can be behind the Pontiff's bizarre taste for the 'left-wing political craze' that is science? Gene thinks he knows:

"When the Vatican leapt into the controversy on climate science, we were initially under the impression that His Holiness was a victim of bad advice from bad advisers," Koprowski said Thursday. "There were people from the UN who were population control advocates. There were people from other left-wing groups who were advising the pontiff."

But Koprowski said that after the pope released his landmark encyclical calling for action on climate change, he began to suspect that "something more may be afoot." Koprowski then invoked pagan rituals and "nature worship" that he said were "seeping into the Church" during the Middle Ages, adding: "I'm wondering, as a scholar, if pagan forms are returning to the Church this day."

Koprowski concluded: "I would say, contrary to some of the criticism, that this is not communism that has entered the church. It's, rather, paganism."

And there you have it: according to right-wing crackpots and Koch flunkies, the correct answer to the age-old question 'Is the Pope Catholic?' is 'No. We thought he was a commie but it turns out, he's a pagan'.

Thanks for the update, Gene. By the way, Ayn Rand is still dead.

Next week, the Heartland institute reveals: bears use regular toilets, just like everybody else. What did you think they did?